Sent in by Carla
From a little book called "Disorder in the
Court." These are things people actually said in court, word for word.
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect
your memory at all?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
Q: How old is your son-the one living with
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
Q: What was the first thing your husband
said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever
been involved in the voodoo or occult?
A: We both do.
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant,
were your red and blue lights flashing?
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
Q: Did he kill you?
Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the
time of the collision?
Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate
honeymoon, didn't you?
A: I went to Europe, Sir.
Q: And you took your new wife?
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant
to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What
school did you go to?
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed
on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
did you check for a pulse?
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
Q: Did you check for breathing?
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.