Thank you for calling tech support,
your stupidity is my job security.

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I was hanging around in the Overclockers.com discussion forum and the guys were telling stories of phone calls they had recieved themselves while in a "tech support" capacity. True stories...

Me: Hello?
Him: Hi. I just got a computer and I have been reading about these web pages. How do I get one?
Me: Well, Sir, you need to find a place to host it then design it [etc,etc]. We can do that for you.
Him: OK. Well, I have the Yahoo on my computer already. Does that help?
Me: Yahoo is just a web site itself, Sir. Your computer probably came with Yahoo set as the homepage.
Him: Oh.......OK. So how do I get my webpage to show up on everyone else's internet?

I almost lost it there. Once I told him that it would cost him money to have me work for him he lost interest.


"My hard drive is too small"
"What kind of brand is it?"
"Says Antec on it"
"No, thats the case"


"My computer is broken"
"Ok, can you boot it to the desktop for me?::: now what seems to be the problem?"
"Its not doing anything"
"What do you mean it's not doing anything?"
"Isn't it meant to do stuff?"


My mom's friend was looking at the computer, and noticed that after I ejected the disk it was still sitting there sticking out of the computer.
Her: "The hard drive's broken!"
Me: "That's not the hard drive."
Her: "Yes it is."
Me: "No, it's not. The hard drive is inside the case housed in a metal box. This is a floppy disk."
Her: "...right..."


I go on call to a teachers office. Her printer isn't working...I notice right off the bat that it's burried in beanie babbies. Poor henry the hippo had been sucked inside through the paper feeder and was being eaten alive by this HP desk jet. Poor henry the hippo.

Someone in the lab once told me her mouse wouldn't work. I went in to take a look. She then holds it up against the wall and says "see look. no mater how far I go up it won't make it to the top of the screen. " I had to explain to her that you can pick the mouse up. move it down. and then set it on the table again. There was no need to use your mouse on the wall.

Quote from someone on the phone "Is it bad when your computer starts smoking and then shuts off ?"
me "Yes that's very bad. Do I need to come to your office to help you fix it?"
" No that's ok." *BAM* hangs up the phone. Two weeks later a professor comes into the help desk and says his computer hasn't been working for weeks. Guess who it was:)

I had to explain to someone that our one server with a tape drive didn't take ATARI or Nintendo games.

I've pulled countless floppies out of zip drives.

Yes you have to put paper in a laser printer. It dosn't make it's own paper inside. You have to put it there. (Like theirs magic gnomes inside) That red light is your hard drive working.....not a warning light. So calm down mam. everything is ok A bigger monitor dosn't make your computer slower.


"My CPU and Hard Drive won't boot. We switched monitors but nothing happens. "


I was a former Senior Lab Tech at a place of higher Education in Georgia. The questions I was asked by "COLLEGE STUDENTS" was mind blowing. I will list a couple of questions. Computer Lab Setup total of 3 labs: each has network printer.

1. Where is my printer, I can't print because I don't have a printer on my desk.

2. How do I save?

3. Is my computer on because my screen has some Icons on the left side.

4. Can I use Word to type a paper? and the mother of all stupid questions I put my thingy in this thing so what do I do to see the thingy I'm suppose to do?


"I just clicked on exit now the box thing has dissapered"


I had one yesterday that blew me out my seat though... little old lady rang sounded about 80, here I was expecting "I lost my icon off the desktop", the actual question was "how do I uploaded multiple mp3 files through my ftp program?" Took me a second to compose myself I just wasn't expecting that question.


Using msconfig in the process of troubleshooting a customer's system:

I tell them to type msconfig into the run box and I hear the phone beep several times..... they typed msconfig on the keypad of the phone. I almost lost it.


Me - thank you for calling xxxx dsl how may I help you.
Him - yes I turned on my computer and I don't have the yellow cone looking thingie on the task bar any more.
Me - Are you able to connect to the internet or are you getting an error message.
Him - I can connect to the internet but the little yellow thing is gone
Me - Whitch little yellow thing is this
Him - the one you click on to change the volume.
Me - Sir this is xxxx dsl we help you connect to the internet.
Him - But I can't change my volume.
Me - Is this a new computer or have you had it for a while
Him - It is a new computer I just bought it.
Me - Sir you will need to take that to your OEM.
Him - But your xxxx dsl
Me - Yes sir we help you connect to the internet.
Him - You mean you aren't going to help me.
Me - I don't know what is wrong with it and I am not allowed to touch it.
Him - But you are xxxx dsl


While this isn't tech support related, I had a funny conversation the other day on AIM. Someone saw a few of my FS/FT posts... I had been selling 3 sony 128mb memory sticks, a gf3, a mobo, and a (stepping in post) cpu (all but the gf3 were already sold and the posts had been updated to reflect as such). So as not to embarass said poster, I won't say the name:

Him: Hey dude do you still have the k7t266 msi board?????//
Me: Sorry, I already sold it.
Him: How much man I want it
Me: I'm sorry, but it's already sold.
Him: It's KT266A chipset right?
Me: No, it's the normal KT266. You're looking for the Pro2 board if you want KT266A.
Him: Don't lie to me man.
Him: Anyway, do you still have the athlon 1.33??
Me: Sorry, but that's sold too.
Him: What stepping was it?
Me: AYHJA. Please take a moment to look at my post again. (I paste the URL in)
Him: Ok but do you still have the 128mb memory sticks?? Can you sell them for $15 each dude?
Me: xxxxxxxx, the memory sticks, as explained in the post, are the ones used with Sony devices such as the Clie (Palm), their digital cameras, etc.
Him: Can I use them in my computer?
Me: No.
Him: Will you get any more in?
Me: No.
Him: Are you sure?
Me. Yes.
Him: Oh, so you are getting them in?
<me: NO I am NOT getting any more memory sticks in.
Him: I just read your post:
Him: You still have the GF3.
Him: I'll give you $120 for it including 3day FedEx.
Me: Please, don't lowball. I said in my post prices are pretty much firm. (he sends this at the same time I hit to send the undercut message)
Him: I'll pay you thru creditcard paypal.
Me: xxxxxxxxx, I'm NOT going to trade with you.
Him: Dude I'll send you an SB Live Platinum for it and $10.
Me: I said in my post no trades. Give it up already.
Me: xxxxxx, the card sells for $305 on newegg shipped. I said in my post USPS Priority shipping, and a price of $275 including shipping.
Him: Ok, but hold it for me so I can creditcard paypal you $. I wanna buy it for $300.
Me: What, so you can then dispute the charge, file a quality of goods thing, or do any other number of the stuff people pull using paypal? Ever heard of paypalwarning.com, paypalsucks.com, MSNBC articles, Cnet articles, and zillions of forum posts??

And the conversation went down hill from there...


customer: "When I move the mouse to the right, it goes left. When I move it left, it goes right. When I move it up, it goes down, and when I move it down, it goes up!"
me: ma'am, try turning the mouse around so the buttons are at your fingertips
customer: "oh"


i get this call customer: "I'm having trouble with my mouse"
Me: please explain
Cust: its not working theres no pointer.
Me: ok i need you to check to see if its pluged it, it may of came loose or been kicked out ( this happens some times)
Cust: what the h$ll do you think i am stupid or somthing i've been using computers for years of course i checked to see if it was pluged it.... just come over and fix it "CLICK"

At this time I let my boss know and he tells me to just go over. To cut a long story short, I go over and plug in the mouse and charge her $75 for a house call... hehehehe


I had one guy come to me and ask if there are settings on the back of cd-rw to make them right DVD-r disks.

I also had someone tell me "What ever you do, don't disconnect the cable from that big square thing and connect it to that thing that the monitor connects to"


Here two things I used to tell users..

Them: "some stupid thing blah blah"
Me: "we have a small PEBCAK error there"
Them: " will it be hard to fix"
Me: "no, ill be right over"

PEBACK = problematic error between the chair and keyboard and another is the " I D 10 T" problem....(idiot)

Its fun to use these because they dont kow what they mean but there so true...


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